Postcards from The Mother Edge

Clearly it's been a crazy 3 weeks since I updated this blog and I am no longer an expectant blogger; I am a mummy. After all my fears about pushing something the size of a melon out of something the size of a lemon, I had to have an emergency c-section. Click the link for the whole rather grisly story! I am slowly getting my life on track but of course, with the arrival of the bambino, everything goes a little haywire. I started to type this post and I heard the distinct cries of my little one and had to run off and change her nappy and feed her.

I absolutely love being a mother even though it has it's testing and daunting moments. Sometimes I look at her and I'm hit with this sudden clarity that this little person that is made up from the boyf and I is wholly dependent on us. That is frigging scary! When she gives me a goofy smile after her feed or wriggles around in overexcitement at that prospect of the boob, I feel myself glow with happiness. Sometimes I stare at her and feel all teary - it really is one big hormonal rollercoaster!

I cried on the boyf several times last week as my wound from the c-section became sore at each end of my bikini cut and I had to go on antibiotics. I became convinced that my insides would suddenly start spilling out on the floor and the boyf had to console me, no doubt stifling laughter from my dramatics. I have to wear the biggest pants that I have ever worn in my life in order for me to be comfortable and it's a measure of the boyf's love for me that he has managed to stop having laughter fits everytime he sees me in them. It seems the sex kitten persona is on hold for a little longer whilst I heal up...

It's not all easy. I still wince when she cries and there are some moments when my patience gets tested by the well meaning grandmothers. Haven't they twigged that not only do they give me 'words of wisdom' but that I am bombarded with advice from the health visitors and midwifes plus every other Tom, Dick, and Harry? It can be pretty overwhelming sometimes. I've had to start being firm before they end up pissing me off and getting me down. Fortunately the boyf is feeling it too. No-one is born a parent and it's all a learning process, which we're enjoying feeling our way through. We're not shy about asking for advice - we just need to be given the chance to ask for it!