Monday, June 18, 2007

Postcards from The Mother Edge

Clearly it's been a crazy 3 weeks since I updated this blog and I am no longer an expectant blogger; I am a mummy. After all my fears about pushing something the size of a melon out of something the size of a lemon, I had to have an emergency c-section. Click the link for the whole rather grisly story! I am slowly getting my life on track but of course, with the arrival of the bambino, everything goes a little haywire. I started to type this post and I heard the distinct cries of my little one and had to run off and change her nappy and feed her.

I absolutely love being a mother even though it has it's testing and daunting moments. Sometimes I look at her and I'm hit with this sudden clarity that this little person that is made up from the boyf and I is wholly dependent on us. That is frigging scary! When she gives me a goofy smile after her feed or wriggles around in overexcitement at that prospect of the boob, I feel myself glow with happiness. Sometimes I stare at her and feel all teary - it really is one big hormonal rollercoaster!

I cried on the boyf several times last week as my wound from the c-section became sore at each end of my bikini cut and I had to go on antibiotics. I became convinced that my insides would suddenly start spilling out on the floor and the boyf had to console me, no doubt stifling laughter from my dramatics. I have to wear the biggest pants that I have ever worn in my life in order for me to be comfortable and it's a measure of the boyf's love for me that he has managed to stop having laughter fits everytime he sees me in them. It seems the sex kitten persona is on hold for a little longer whilst I heal up...

It's not all easy. I still wince when she cries and there are some moments when my patience gets tested by the well meaning grandmothers. Haven't they twigged that not only do they give me 'words of wisdom' but that I am bombarded with advice from the health visitors and midwifes plus every other Tom, Dick, and Harry? It can be pretty overwhelming sometimes. I've had to start being firm before they end up pissing me off and getting me down. Fortunately the boyf is feeling it too. No-one is born a parent and it's all a learning process, which we're enjoying feeling our way through. We're not shy about asking for advice - we just need to be given the chance to ask for it!

Monday, May 28, 2007

Off to Have The Bambino

Well after cacking it that I'd go into labour dramatically, I didn't go into labour at all and I'm going to be induced tomorrow night after spending the day moving. Wish me luck!

Monday, May 21, 2007

Overdue & Hormonal Day Three

No-one really prepares you for how crap you'll feel when you go overdue. I'm on day three and I've done quite well at getting on with things but I've found that I've become twitchy when the phone rings or I hear the telltale beep of a text message. I spent the morning and half of the afternoon at my GP and then the hospital. I feel completely pissy because it is difficult to get consistent information and everyone contradicts the shit out of each other. All the pain I've been having for the past month? Yes, some of that is 'early' labour pains but what nobody mentioned until today is the position of the baby is causing much of the pain.

The bambino is OP or back to back - she is presenting all the limbs to my stomach as opposed to my back and even though she is 4/5ths engaged, the position means her head is not at quite the right angle and that unless she shifts position when I go into labour, I am in for a long drawn out labour. Oh joy...

I've been booked to be induced on...yes you guessed it...the evening of the 29th, the day we move. Fecking sods law. My hospital induces on day 10 or 11, so we have to go with it. Pray that I don't have to go through the whole induction thing. I hear it's not pleasant....

The registrar tried to do a membrane sweep but apparently, my cervix is NOT ready...

I got home a while ago after pottering around the shops for a bit, and took 3 calls and replied to a few texts on my return and then burst into tears. I felt better afterwards...

Oh and I forgot to mention that another one of my friends from the antenatal class gave birth yesterday to a baby boy. My cervix and the bambino may not be getting the show on the road, but the rest of the world is ;-)

Saturday, May 19, 2007

I Haven't Gone Crazy or Given Birth Yet

I wonder if I could record the following voicemail:

"Hi, you've reached the voicemail of NML and the boyf. We are home at the moment, but we're just refusing to answer the phone because of non-stop calls. No we haven't had the bambino yet, and of course we would have told you if we had. Yes, we will let you know if there are any developments and in answer to the question 'Any signs yet?', NML has been having pre-labour pains for 3 weeks - The bambino will show up when she's ready! Thank you for your call"

But alas...that wouldn't be very nice of me now would it?

My due date was yesterday - There were so many calls, texts, emails and posts on Facebook, and I almost fel guilty for not being like 5% of women who actually deliver on their due date, instead of like the 80% of women who deliver after it....

I can't make a phonecall without the person answering in a panic and if this bambino chooses to hold out till the bitter end, I probably will be climbing walls by then...

And like some sort of f*cked up clash of the two biggest events of our lives, the boyf and I exchanged on our house yesterday. Despite thinking we would have moved at least a month ago, we exhanged on the baby's due date and we're moving on the 29th. Yes, it would be stating the obvious to say that we don't do things by halves....

Sunday, May 13, 2007

The Waiting Game - Rant alert

Nobody tells you just how tedious it can be, waiting to go into labour. I'm not literally sitting around waiting to pop, but I am now at that stage where I'm bored of having pre-labour/early labour pains and just want to get the show on the road. Every day I'm reading about people giving birth and I'm thinking "When I'm f'ng going to give birth?!" Yes, I am starting to feel impatient.

It's my own fault for listening to all and sundry comment on how me being the size I am, there was no way I'd make it to 40 weeks. "Oooh, you'll definitely go early!";"Your bump has dropped. I reckon it's any day now."; "Look at the freakin size of your bump and how tiny you are!";"Your uterus is very stretched. I'd be surprised if you didn't go into labour soon.";"I'll book your 41 week appointment but I'd be surprised if you actually make it in for that appointment."

Well prepare to be surpised mofos! Ugh, I am being such a cranky bitch and I should be lapping up what free time I have left (yes I know my days are numbered) but I've been off work for almost 6 weeks and it's starting to feel like I'm going round the twist. It takes effort to drag myself into central London, and when I get there I enjoy myself, but I'm exhausted quite quickly, I take phonecalls checking on my whereabouts and whether my waters have broken, and I spend a lot of my time looking for toilets.

I woke up from a dream where I was in labour with jacked up hair on Thursday and the fear of looking like someone who'd been plugged straight into an electrical socket in my first photos with the baby filled me with panic. So I dragged myself into central London yesterday to get my hair done. I know it's vain but I don't do jacked up and the fact that you get bombarded with visitors once the bambino arrives is all the more reason to ensure I look half way presentable.

One of the girls from antenatal class that I was supposed to meet with for our Wednesday coffee, went into labour that morning and gave birth 4 hours later. The other girls and I are in awe of her quick labour. She was due two days before me so she gave birth a week early. We had similar pregnancies as we'd been bitching about our pains for the last few weeks, so of course I wondered if that meant that I should brace myself for the onslaught of labour...clearly not!

I had contractions for two hours and then another hour and a half session on Thursday. Then nothing. They were about 15 mins apart and at one point went down to seven, and then five. Then frickin NOTHING!

As for's not happening this week. Let's just say that it is very soon potentially three days after my due date! Or ten days after! Merciful hour! To be honest, I'm beyond caring. What will be will be. Who knows when the bambino is going to arrive? The house situation isn't ideal but it's the cards we've been dealt. We've done everything possible to make things move quicker and being in a chain has just made everything go slower. Much like the onset of labour....

OK, I'm going to stop bitching now....

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Still Pregnant...For Now

I think it's safe to say that I'm at that stage of the pregnancy (almost 39 weeks) when I'm starting to feel like I've been pregnant forever and I get twitchy at the texts, emails and phonecalls asking if I've popped yet. Overall I'm quite chilled and relaxed but I am starting to feel weary and just want the bambino to arrive now. I'm dying to see her! But at the same time, I'm making the most of this time whilst I have it.

I have been very absorbed in various writing and blogging projects and my brain has been forced to override it's pregnancy bimbo mode, because one of my blogs Baggage Reclaim, had so many technical problems in the space of the past 9 days, it was scary. Thank goodness for small mercies that it all happened before not after the bambino arrived as it would have been game over no credits. I have had to figure out so much stuff (lots of code crap) and I ended up having to do a redesign, but the worst is over now. Thankfully I love doing all of this stuff (even though I'll do a bit of bitching and moaning)!

I have also started building my shopping blog for baby and mother products which I'm loving doing. It gives me somewhere to put all of my shopping energy!

I've been having lots of Braxton Hicks and 'early labour pains' which haven't materialised (clearly) into actual labour. Some of them really bloody hurt which makes me wonder that if I'm like this for the dress rehersal, what will I be like for the big production!?! Today it felt like my pubic bone was cracking...NICE!

Life is good but not particularly exciting. I'm not exactly a social animal at the moment and even though I have been meeting up with friends a few times each week, I actually like being at home. Everything requires a lot of energy and I think I have a fear of my waters breaking in public, plus when I get the pains, it's difficult to clutch yourself in public!

I had my last acupuncture and midwife appointments today and it all felt so final. The next time I see either one of them is either if I go overdue or after the birth. My doctor, like my consultant at the hospital, isn't convinced that I'll go overdue, but I've heard all that waffle before and I try not to place too much stock in it as I'll be pissed off if I do go overdue. But if I don't, by Friday of next week, I'll be a mum! Fecking hell! Exciting, scary, daunting, knee wobble inducing stuff!

I'm meeting the girls from my NCT class (National Childbirth Trust antental class) tomorrow, for the first of what is no doubt going to turn into mums who sit in coffee shops every week meetings. It'll be nice to meet up with people going through the same thing as me.

Ok, I'm offski to bed. Every time I go to bed, I wonder if I'll wake up in labour or something...jaysus!

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Flying Visit

It's been an oddly hectic few days. I've been caught up with sorting out stuff on my other blogs which has involved trying to sort out a technical problem with my mushy pregnancy brain...oh joy and the rest of the time has involved a lot of concern that I may be exhibiting some early signs of labour. Lots of lower abdominal and back pain along with Braxton Hicks (false contractions) is enough to have me clutching myself. We even had to go up to the hospital on Sunday evening as they wanted to check me to be on the safe side. I actually saw the obstaetrician on Friday who said that he's be surprised if the baby ended up being late because I am having signs that labour is imminent. Imminent is not the best word to use with pregnancy as the bambino could end up turning up in a few weeks still if she feels like it.

As a result of all of this carry-on, I get a lot of phonecalls from the boyf and my family checking up on me plus emails and now I want to hide away! Ah, not really, but I've been patient for over 37 weeks but it's wearing thin and so is calling people and having them be silent with bated breath because they think I'm in labour!

Right I'm off to bed before the boyf comes looking for me! I'm not sleeping that well so it is beddy byes for moi!