Jaysus a Baby Shower

People have been going on at me for ages about having a baby shower and I have succumbed and agreed. Thing is, I think I am only twigging what it is in the context of myself and I suddenly feel very nervous. I can't imagine playing Baby Charades, or Baby Scrabble or other such word puzzles involving baby words. I love babies and I'm excited about the bambino, but I don't do cheesy. I suddenly thought of Miranda in Sex and the City demanding that there weren't storks all over the place and getting really sh*tty with Charlotte who was stork crazy. I'm not anywhere near as bad as that, but I wonder what I've let myself in for.

I have several friends with kids and lots that don't. What if the one's that don't think that I've been snatched by baby aliens? It's like when I went to my friends hen party a few years back and was expecting a pretty wild night. We had some crazy times back in our 'youth' so it wasn't a leap of imagination to expect a bit of sauciness. It was a very placid affair and whilst I also hate cheesy hen nights, especially L plates, there was nothing even remotely sex associated in sight! I remember wondering where the girl who danced on tables and did the occasional bit of flashing on a girls night out went! I felt like I hardly knew her!

I was going to leave it all to my friend but now that I'm paranoid about a frilly affair, I think I'll do some research on this baby shower stuff...

The Last Stretch

I'm 30 weeks pregnant tomorrow and I have been dreaming about going into labour early for the past few nights. I don't ever get to the point where I even start to have contractions but I wake up feeling panicked about five times a night. If I have palpitations dreaming about the thought of it, God help me if the dream moves on a bit with actual contractions!

Tomorrow, I have decided, will be the day I put together my What to Do in an Emergency list for my crackerjack colleagues. If I leave it in the hands of the God's, I could be having vulture boy, Barry from Eastenders (my boss), and MSlash getting hot water from the tea machine and using the jackets and coats for 'towels'. They would keel over if my waters broke or anything untoward happened. Bless 'em!

Because the boyf sometimes goes abroad for a few days with work, I want to ensure that there is a smooth system for what is to happen if I need to go to hospital as when I had the severe reaction to my Wagamama's salad in January and ended up in hospital, it was like a bad comedy trying to let my family know. Wouldn't you know that the one day that the boyf goes away after almost two months and I end up throwing up repeatedly and collapsing, my mother's mobile is broken, the bro was in Canada, the boyf's mum was in Africa, and lil bro was being a typical 17 year old and screening his calls. The list will have a plan a, b and c, and no doubt it'll get f*cked up....

I am soooo tired at the moment that I think about going to sleep from about an hour after I woke up. This makes for a veeery long day. The bambino is kicking like there is no tomorrow because of the reduced space she has due to the size she is at this stage of the pregnancy. This means that she has taken to manoeuvring what feels like elbows or her feet and ramming them hard against my tummy so that they poke out like funny little bumps. I give her little rubs which then seems to set her off into lots of wriggles. She's a funny little thing!

Someone asked if we are all set for the bambino's arrival. Set? The only thing that the baby has is a pair of Havana sandles which a friend brought for her in Brazil. We've 'chosen' the pushchair, pram and car seat and that's it. Jaysus we have a lot to do.....

The Waterworks Have Begun

I'm finally writing my first post on this blog and it's mostly for the sake of my own sanity. I'm almost 15 weeks pregnant and think I am cracking up from my hormones. I'm trying to remain relatively normal but burst into tears tonight when my boyfriend laughed after I told him not to laugh. It's not like it was anything major to be fair:

I was bitching about my dad wanting dinner cooked when I got back from work (he is painting my flat and I am actually paying him!) and feeling like a housewife and then feeling infuriated when he said "Well this is what it will be like when the baby is born." After what I felt was like slaving over a hot stove, he was less than enthusiastic and quickly said that he would cook dinner tomorrow. It's not that I expect him to brown-nose me, but for f*cks sake! Humour me or something!

Anyway I relayed all of this to my boyfriend and was greeted by silence and then the distinct sounds of stifled laughter. "Are you laughing?!" I screeched and then he really did laugh. And then I burst into loud noisy sobs and he was completely shocked. He didn't let it get to him though and I was laughing in between sniffles and felt like a complete dick after a while.

I'm off to bed. I've had a shit day, I work with muppets, I tried on a bra in Marks and Spencer and recoiled at the sight of myself squeezed into my trousers and I feel like standing on top of a table and stamping my feet and screaming like a lunatic.