Broken Sleep and Birth Plan

I heard myself moaning about broken sleep (I go to the bathroom a few times during the night and if I'm not quick enough, she wakes up and thinks it's play time) and it suddenly dawned on me that soon, broken sleep is the only thing I'll know. I was awake for over an hour in the early hours of this morning as the bambino hiccuped, then stretched, then kicked and punched for a while. I adjusted position to a half lying, half sitting position and just as it seemed like she was finally settling down and I started to doze off, the kicking started up again.

I had my last NCT (National Childbirth Trust) antenatal class yesterday with the boyf and it really answered a lot of questions for us although I will admit that I am a little bit antsy about 1) the size of the epidural needle, 2) tearing and episotomy's (shudder) 3) breast milk shooting out during sex and 4) stitches. The trouble with me is that I soak up information and get visual and I feel slightly traumatised. Off course the boyf was pissing himself laughing, except for the bit where the milk comes shooting out, but that's because he doesn't have to endure any of the other things.

I'm not keen on hospitals. I spent 4 weeks in a children's ward when I was 5 years old because I had to have a birthmark skin graphed because they believed it had the potential to become cancerous. There was no record of my type of birthmark and they had concerns about it spreading all over my body. I thought it was the opportunity to go to a holiday camp type atmosphere but hated it within 24 hours. The whole experience stayed with me for a long time, mostly because I became a shadow of my former self and my young brain comprehended that all of the children were seriously ill in my ward and that when they left the hospital it's because they were better...or they died.

Since then I've been in hospital a few times for bumps and scrapes, plus I had a laporoscopy 8 years ago and then spent the past 3 years having blood tests, chest xrays, breathing tests and various examinations because of my sarcoidosis. I still haven't forgiven the nurse for flipping me over and giving me a suppository at my laporoscopy (imagine major drugged out hissy fit where I accused the nurse of violating me) but I have become a bit more chilled about hospitals especially because I was generally taken care of very well over the past few years.

I now have to practice having happy thoughts about the hospital and I'm going to write a birth plan so that I have some control over what is taking place around me. I'm not going to dictatorial but by pre-empting certain things by mentioning my low blood pressure (this can be an issue sometimes with epidural), not wanting to be in the lying down as this is a major cause of tearing, minimising tearing and the possibility of an episiotomy, wanting to use the birthing pool to help with pain relief and ensuring that if I do need stitches that there are no delays doing them (apparently when there are delays this is what can cause problems) etc, I will feel comfortable about my needs being communicated from the outset, especially since I may not be 'functional' after a while. The boyf knows what I want but laying it out in black and white will prevent confusion!

I found out yesterday that the nipple has more than one hole that breast milk comes out of! I wasn't the only one who thought they were like bottle teets thankfully....

Size Does Matter and Baby Shower

I am finally getting some time to myself after a crazy few days of running around like a blue arsed fly. I am officially on maternity leave since Friday which you thought would have signalled a bit of resting, but I spent Thursday at home typing my handover notes like a maniac, Friday at the hospital (more on that in a moment), then at work for my leaving lunch with the team, then I met up with one of my closest friends for a few hours. Saturday was running errands for the baby shower and Sunday was the craziness that was the baby shower. It's taken until today to get over the tiredness!

On Friday I had a consultants appointment at the hospital and she decided to book me for a scan (I had it this morning) as she thought the baby might be a 'little bit small'. This is the second time that someone has suggested this although the first time they didn't scan me and instead sent me to the obstraetrician who pretty much said that my midwife had been talking out of her backside. It seems that it's the same thing this time around, except for this time the scan confirmed it. I know they're only doing their jobs and being cautious, but it doesn't stop me from cacking myself in fright each time (not literally)! It was great to see the baby again and I can't get over how much she has grown! And after all of the comments about boys coming out when people have been told that it's a girl, I have had it definitely confirmed that it's a girl. Ha! The bro will be gutted as I'm sure he had a bet on for a boy!

It was actually quite sad to leave behind my peeps at work on Friday. I was incredibly touched by the card and plus I got vouchers for Gap (God I love that store!). As I read leaving messages from my colleagues, I felt myself well up... Hormone alert! I have to say though, I am loving having my life to myself. I certainly don't miss getting up for work or worrying about how many ads there are in the magazine I work for.

I had a fantastic time at the baby shower. The weather was beautiful which meant that we could have a barbeque and people were clammering to get at the great food prepared by my mum, the boyf's mum and a few friends. I hadn't realised that so many of our friends are jerk chicken mad! My ma decided that instead of playing the grandmother to be role, that she'd have a hot date instead which had hilarious, if not cringey moments! We got lovely gifts (we haven't even got them all yet as some people ordered online) but highlights include a bouncing baby cradle (right), Tommee Tippee nappy wrapper, height chart, funky potty (left), bath support and cuddle robes from Mamas and Papas, lots of beautiful clothing, organic cosmetics for the bambino, froggy bath storage (pictured at top) bath mobile, and someone brought us shedloads of nappies which is so handy! I felt incredibly blessed to have many of our nearest and dearest all together and I will remember Sunday for a very long time. The bambino is very popular and she's not even out yet!

After I left the hospital this morning, I popped into TK Maxx. This used to be a favourite of mine as I can spend ages scouring for designer bargains, but admittedly I haven't done it for ages. This morning it paid off as I finally got a baby changing bag. It's a Samsonite bag and it would normally retail for £85 but I got it for £15. Result! It has a changing mat and bottle warmer and lots of handy pockets. There are few ways that it can be carried and it includes to straps to attach it to the handle of the pram. I also left with a pair of Tommy Hilfiger sunglasses £15 instead of £85 and an Osprey wallet/purse £12 instead of £85. A morning well spent....

Maybe a routine isn't such a bad thing

I dragged myself into Soho today for lunch with the girls and followed it up with a two hour stint at the office doing my handovers for my clients and agencies. It was weird being back even though I've only been gone for two weeks and already I already feel so distant from the dramas of publishing. I have no desire to be a desperate housewife, but I've discovered that I'm not averse to not having to be at work every day. I am frickin knackered after dragging myself and the bump on the train and the tube and feel like I need an early night!

I spoke with a friend last night who told me about mutual friends who have been using The New Contented Little Baby Book. They have had great results and as well as having healthy, happy babies that sleep, they also have freedom in their lives. To be honest, I had read about a third of the book and then became nervous as everything seemed so overwhelming - routine feeds, waking, putting down for a nap and I just don't think my mush brain could cope with it at that point. But I spent some time with a good friend and her 2 month old and much as I adore him, he needs to be held a hell of a lot, including when he's napping and is won't sleep in his cot and sleeps during the day but not at night. It suddenly occured to me that having a go at following the routines in the book wasn't such a bad idea because the thought of breast all day long made me feel tired before I've even started!

The other reason is that I will be monitored closesly for the few months after the birth due to my previous battles with sarcoidosis. Your immune system takes a big dip about two or three months after the birth and I have an immune system disease, albeit in remission. My plan is to continue my acupuncture and to do my best to maintain my immune system but that could all go tits up if I'm sleep depraved and not eating properly, and I need to be as fit and able as I can be for the bambino. I don't want to be sick again, especially when the bambino will need me most, so whilst it's never plain sailing with any newborn, trying to establish good routines for us both from as early as possible sounds like a damn good idea.

I found myself buying vests and mittens for the bambino in John Lewis and decided to give in a buy nipple cream and was horrified to discover that it the best part of £10! Flipping daylight robbery! I'm telling you right now - I better not feel so much as a frigging twinge in my nipples!

The health visitor came to visit me at the flat today. I had no idea that they come around and introduce themselves whilst overloading your brain with information. Apparently your not supposed to use fleece blankets or the sheepskin covers that go on pushchairs and prams until babies are a year old due to overheating. That's two items to come off the baby shower list...

I've got my NCT (National Childbirth Trust) antenal class tomorrow. These are private classes that you shell out for, as opposed to the NHS ones that you get for free. It's a 2 day intensive course - 5 hours tomorrow and another 5 hours next week. The boyf is in Israel for the first one, so his mum is coming with me. I wisecracked to her that people may think that we're a couple. It was only while we were laughing that I realised that I had just cracked a lesbian joke at his mum.... Hmmmm....

I'm getting used to being at home now after almost 2 weeks of being signed off by the doc. I thought that I would escape being pregnant in the summer heat but there's been a bit of a heat wave for the past few days and I've been driving the boyf demented as I struggle with feeling clammy, lumpy, hot, bothered and incapable of keeping still in the bed. He gets to escape it for a few days now as he is going to Israel tonight for work until Thurs/Fri. Before he left, he pulled the cover back and warned the bambino that she wasn't to get any ideas about trying to turn up whilst he's away. This is the first time he's had to go away for a while so he is suffering from early labour fear. I phoned him at work earlier and I thought he was being off with me. I asked him if something was wrong and he told me he had thought I was calling to say I was in labour.... I realise that I will have to put up with this from all and sundry till the baby arrives.

I brought an electric breast pump on Saturday for 85 fecking squids (English pounds for anyone not in the know)! Jaysus! It's an AVENT Isis iQ uno breast pump. My mum was horrified when I told her (I hadn't even told her what it cost...) and started waffling about breast feeding back in her day. "If I have to remind you yet again that this is not frigging 1977, I won't be responsible for what I do!" I warned. I have spoken to enough people to know that breast feeding is not the piece of piss that our mothers make it out to be and that manual pumps have stressed my friends out even more, causing many of them to give up on breastfeeding. On top of this, I want the boyf to be part of the feeding process so that he can at least give the bambino one bottle each day. My mum doesn't get that either...

Have I mentioned that I live in fear of what it will be like when the baby arrives and I have to court opinion on my mothering skills? Bad enough now where every decision I make has to be questioned the arse out of! Mothers...jaysus and I'm going to be one myself soon...

The baby shower is this Sunday and no doubt some sort of controversy will unfold with that too. Fortunately I still have a good sense of humour and an ability to tune out when necessary.... I'm being asked about decorations and food and I keep giving vague answers. I thought this was already organised! I'm going to end up like a toddler lying on the floor screaming my head off and refusing to move at this rate....

The house move has progressed about a quarter of an inch since I last updated this blog... Seemingly we will very likely be moving two weeks before the bambino is due. I'm vowing not to move again but obviously I'm talking out of my arse....

The Joys of...Back Ache and other such things

So I'm still at home on bed rest and 'technically' on maternity leave as I've actually been signed off until I was due to finish work on the 19th. I'm not sure what caused the change with my back but I have now had persistent pain in my lower back for 10 days. Normally I would ache after sitting down, standing or walking for a while, but now I don't need to do anything to hurt. At least I have ruled out early labour which apparently persistent lower back pain is supposed to be an indicator of.

"Have you been having any labour pains?" asked the doctor.

"Er....how do I know what's labour and what's just pregnancy aches?" He gave me a bemused look. "Yes...this is my first pregnancy and if I went into labour now I wouldn't have a clue what to do...I have gathered that it hurts a lot...unfortunately lots of things with pregnancy do!" I quipped.

The boyf has bought me a pair of Crocs against his will and they've gone a long way to soothing my back pain. He has made some noises about the shoes only being for pre-baby but I've actually fallen in love with them as they're so fricking comfy and because I'm only a size 4, I don't actually look like Sideshow Bob...

It dawned on me a couple of days ago that I am transcending 'career girl' and taking up the roles of 'housewife' and 'mother'. Sweet baby Jesus and the orphans! Have I ever mentioned how much I despise ironing? I wisecracked to the boyf's mum that I should buy an apron for my new role and promptly howled with laughter. She laughed too but I suspect an apron may arrive soon...

After fannying around with Evite and My Registry.com for the past week or so, I finally sent the invites for the baby shower. Apparently I need to decide on a theme for it now (%$****!!) and so far I have suggested a Michael Jackson theme. This went down like a lead balloon with the boyf who lives in perpetual fear that I will teach the baby to moonwalk...

The house move is proving to be a pain in the arse. I'm not allowed to stress about it...apparently...but the whole thing takes so long and there are 3 of us in the chain and 2 are proving to be slow jackasses and our solicitor f'd off on holiday for 3 weeks and left a guy that had an allergy to the telephone as her cover. You don't know how many times I've wanted to phone them up and get gangsta with these people but the boyf says that he will do the stressing so I've had to zip it. It looks like we'll be moving 2 weeks before the due date. Yikes!

Still haven't been able to bring myself to buy a breast pump even though I do intend to buy one. The boyf will probably want to play with the bloody thing anyway! When we were in Mothercare the other day, there was an Avent video playing demonstrating the breast pump and the boyf was so startled and transfixed, he stood there watching it for ages as it looped around again and again. "Boyf! You're supposed to be shopping with me, not looking at that bloody woman's nipple!" I yelled. "It [the nipple] just seems so big! And the baby really loves the boob!" he explained helplessly.

The last major thing we have to buy is the cot and we're down to 2, the Leander Cot Bed (on the left) and the Longhouse cot bed from Mama's and Papa's (on the right). I think we're leaning ever so slightly more towards the Leander but with us we can change our minds right to the last moment! The Leander is Danish and really unusual but not limiting in other furniture that we could buy around it whereas we're a bit concerned that much as we love the Longhouse, we'll end up having to stick around that wood colour (rustic oak) for everything. The one thing that has me slightly hesitant with the Leander is that the sides don't drop down and because I'm a shorty (5ft 3), am I going to struggle when the base of the cot is at the bottom level and I need to take out the bambino? These cotbeds don't come cheap either! The Leander is around £450 and the Longhouse is £425 plus the mattress. Oh the joys of buying baby stuff!

I'm going to acupuncture tomorrow (I've been going for over a year and it's what put my sarcoidosis in remission) and hopefully she can help with the back pain. The bofy is supposed to be coming along so that he can learn about massage techniques for labour. I just know he will be his usual entertaining self....

Bed Rest Again and Finally Bought Stuff

I'm on bed rest due to rather annoying lower backache. What started out as a painful giggle at the trapped nerve in my arse has now become a persistent back pain that had me a bit worried this morning. It didn't stop me from dragging my arse out of bed and going to work, but I spoke to the midwife when I was minutes away from the office and explained the pain (combined with irritable bladder) and she bollocked me for going to work. Nothing is showing in initial tests but my results will be back in the next few days. At least I know that I am NOT in labour although it turns out that I have been having Braxton Hicks. They monitored the bambino for twenty minutes by hooking us up to fetal monitor which also drew the movements. The bambino kicked from the moment they strapped up the bump to the moment they took it off. The midwife looked at the graph and said "Gosh your baby moves a LOT!" You're frigging telling me! She doesn't get woken up in early in the morning by her!

I have ordered the pushchair and carrycot which turns it into a pram (yay!), carseat and base, plus the baby carrier. Babies suck up money before they ever suck milk out of your nipple....

I brought a Quinny Buzz Pushchair with Dreami carrycot for £389 instead of £464 after a lot of time spent searching the crap out of the internet. I only managed to save £20 on the Maxi-Cosi carseat and Easybase but it's still better than forking out on the high street. Oh and I own a steriliser...jaysus!

The bambino is gathering together a lovely wardrobe which I must talk about in my next post. Today she was given the gift of cashmere by her uncle...

OK must go now as my boobs feel like they are on fire.....