Broken Sleep and Birth Plan

I heard myself moaning about broken sleep (I go to the bathroom a few times during the night and if I'm not quick enough, she wakes up and thinks it's play time) and it suddenly dawned on me that soon, broken sleep is the only thing I'll know. I was awake for over an hour in the early hours of this morning as the bambino hiccuped, then stretched, then kicked and punched for a while. I adjusted position to a half lying, half sitting position and just as it seemed like she was finally settling down and I started to doze off, the kicking started up again.

I had my last NCT (National Childbirth Trust) antenatal class yesterday with the boyf and it really answered a lot of questions for us although I will admit that I am a little bit antsy about 1) the size of the epidural needle, 2) tearing and episotomy's (shudder) 3) breast milk shooting out during sex and 4) stitches. The trouble with me is that I soak up information and get visual and I feel slightly traumatised. Off course the boyf was pissing himself laughing, except for the bit where the milk comes shooting out, but that's because he doesn't have to endure any of the other things.

I'm not keen on hospitals. I spent 4 weeks in a children's ward when I was 5 years old because I had to have a birthmark skin graphed because they believed it had the potential to become cancerous. There was no record of my type of birthmark and they had concerns about it spreading all over my body. I thought it was the opportunity to go to a holiday camp type atmosphere but hated it within 24 hours. The whole experience stayed with me for a long time, mostly because I became a shadow of my former self and my young brain comprehended that all of the children were seriously ill in my ward and that when they left the hospital it's because they were better...or they died.

Since then I've been in hospital a few times for bumps and scrapes, plus I had a laporoscopy 8 years ago and then spent the past 3 years having blood tests, chest xrays, breathing tests and various examinations because of my sarcoidosis. I still haven't forgiven the nurse for flipping me over and giving me a suppository at my laporoscopy (imagine major drugged out hissy fit where I accused the nurse of violating me) but I have become a bit more chilled about hospitals especially because I was generally taken care of very well over the past few years.

I now have to practice having happy thoughts about the hospital and I'm going to write a birth plan so that I have some control over what is taking place around me. I'm not going to dictatorial but by pre-empting certain things by mentioning my low blood pressure (this can be an issue sometimes with epidural), not wanting to be in the lying down as this is a major cause of tearing, minimising tearing and the possibility of an episiotomy, wanting to use the birthing pool to help with pain relief and ensuring that if I do need stitches that there are no delays doing them (apparently when there are delays this is what can cause problems) etc, I will feel comfortable about my needs being communicated from the outset, especially since I may not be 'functional' after a while. The boyf knows what I want but laying it out in black and white will prevent confusion!

I found out yesterday that the nipple has more than one hole that breast milk comes out of! I wasn't the only one who thought they were like bottle teets thankfully....